The (Pregnant) Compromises

Some of you who regularly follow my blog may have noticed that my postings have been scarce since January. There is a reason: I'm pregnant. And while I had morning sickness with my first baby, the first trimester of this pregnancy has been a different ballgame. The morning sickness rendered me mummy-like--totally useless and just taking up space. I had all-day morning sickness which became more debilitating as the day wore on. The fatigue was unlike any fatigue I've ever known.

Throughout these difficult 12 weeks, I did not gain a pound. In fact, I lost a few. And not because I wasn't eating. I tried to continue eating the various foods--healthy, organic, all the sorts of things I ate when I wasn't pregnant and which have become an integral part of my life, but the very thought of these foods soon became vomit-inducing. I couldn't bear to cook and couldn't bear to have my husband cook. The smell of cooking food was enough to drive me to my bed. My mom took to making casseroles for us, but she had to cook them at her house. Soon my diet consisted of Kettle potato chips, Dilly Bars, and, to my great shame (having read Fast Food Nation), McDonalds. I literally could not bear anything else. The insistent drumbeat urging me into the drive through was impossible to ignore. And this is exactly the kind of food I steer clear from--non-organic milk, meat that is likely NOT antibiotic and hormone-free, etc. But I ate there. And I ate there a lot. It was the only thing I could keep down, and as soon as I had that first French fry in my mouth, I had the relief a heroin addict must feel when that needle goes in his arm. My husband, who, if given the choice between a McDonalds extra value meal and a bowl of earthworms might actually choose the worms, was, I'm sure, horrified. But: care? I didn't.

Luckily, now at fourteen weeks, these cravings have disappeared and I can cook again. However, the whole situation made me think about my whole you-must-do-this-during-pregnancy ethos. While I was able to follow most of my own rules: no paraben-containing body lotions or cosmetics, no phthalate-containing personal products, organic milk only, organic fruit, and so on, when the going got really rough, I did what I had to do. And this, to me, is an excellent illustration of the principle of doing what you can. Many people have e-mailed me since I started this blog saying they are overwhelmed by all the toxins (toxicants) they have to avoid, the cost of organic foods, the cost of safe baby products, and so on. My response is always to do your honest best with the resources you have. The short-term goal is to minimize exposure. We don't have to be, and we can't, be perfect.